Well, reader, I know I said I was pissing off for the weekend, and I am, but now it's Friday and I can't find my History homework and Film Studies is dull and English is slowly killing me.
So I'm blogging to procrastinate.
Ex read yesterday's blog. We'd started emailing again because we need to sort out the gig for Monday night (going to feel good to have a social life back!) and we'd just sort of started chatting, which was nice, because he is lovely. But then he read the blog. And now he's pretty messed up because I only really want to be friends.
I'm impressed by the frequency that I turn out looking like a total bitch at the end of relationships. Think there has only been one (of SIX) where I didn't, because he was a lying knobhead who led me on for five months.
But that's for another post.
I hate how I keep messing him up. I really do, but I'm not sure there's any way I can stop messing him up. Because we want completely different things. I pretty much want to move on with my life and get him back as a friend, but he wants our relationship back.
I'm not sure if that's even possible. It's never going to be the same because we keep messing each other about, not intentionally but just with everything. God knows what'll happen after or even at the gig on Monday. We're going to end up hugging, but that's kind of okay with me. Beats me what I'll do if he goes any further though. I don't particularly want to kick him in the balls (anymore).
The weather is ridiculously good today. Little bit chilly, but not enough to not warrant the complete removal of body hair and the reintroduction of skirts. AND MY FLIP FLOPS :D
Really love my flip flops. Even though they are basically in pieces. Will just have to glue them back together.
The library is now baking-ly hot. Which I LOVE, because I am sat directly next to a fan. The fan has a sort of reflective middle. My hair appears to be drying itself into a poof again. I can live with that.
Doesn't tie up properly. Whch is hilarious when I don't need to tie it up, and so fucking frustrating when I do that it's ridiculous.
Lots of knots in it still. Vaguely annoyed by that. Keep combing my fingers through.
Still have some of my flu bug left. Snizzing up a storm. Tempting to put my ipod in and listen to something, but I can't think what to listen to.
Have ended up having to put the ipod in. Bloody annoying chavs.
Wonder if they know they're the scourge of my existence?
Bet they do and they're playing up to it.
Arseholes. Right, ten minutes to do my film studies, then I'll be back.
Stuff the homework. Ex texting, saying he intends on coming round mine tonight, and that his phone and internet are being cut off.
I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself or him anymore.
The coming round thing would be a problem if I wasn't leaving for Norwich the minute college ends.
This is getting silly.
I am tired and annoyed and I have NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT TO DO ABOUT ANY OF IT.
Ugh!!
Really wish he could be happy.
I do.
Not for selfish reasons either.
He deserves to be happy, it's just tricky to get there.
Ugh. I need chocolate.
Right, homework.
I'm probably going to leave this here, finish off my film homework and go hide in the humanities area, see if there's someone I can hug up there.
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