A Short, But Hilarious, Blog Post

I just had this conversation (slightly condensed for easier understanding) with that nice man I keep kissing.

Me: I want this http://wedinator.icanhascheezburger.com/2012/03/25/funny-wedding-photos-special-guests/
Ellie: that Queen thing is amazing and adorable =L
Me: I KNOW :D  Can we hAS?
Ellie: we can has. if, when we marry, king phillip likes metal
Me: PRINCE Phillip
Ellie: he'll be king then
Me: ...  No he won't.  Why would he be king then? You reasoning behind this is required.
Ellie: queen dies, her son takes over
Me: -facepalm- Phillip is her husband.
Ellie: her son is....
Me: Charles.
Ellie: charsles  shit. =L
Me: I fucking love you.
Ellie: well, it aint my fam =P

I feel the need to make an informative post on such a subject.

Charles

Phillip

Queen's Son

Queen's Husband

Future King

WILL NEVER BE KING (Probably also doesn't like metal)

Lesson concluded.

LOUD??

This is going to be partly in response to Carl, and partly in response to how I now have a job.
Beginning with Carl.
I am apparently not allowed to wear "loud" clothes to his engagement party.
LOUD CLOTHES?
What, am I supposed to go naked??
Now, I realise that this is so that I don't frighten his fianceé and instead get along with her.

However.

My brain seems to have taken this as a challenge and I am considering going all out and wearing something rainbow.
Properly rainbow.

Don't let me dress loudly, indeed.
I shall wear what I want!
And quite frankly, anyone who doesn't like it can go to hell.
I will either dress with as many colours as I possibly can, covered in jewellry and whatever else including my grannie-on-crack shawl
OR
Go as a mime.

I said this to Sarah, and she is unimpressed and SUCKING THE FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING.

Maddy: I'm writing a blog about how I have taken "don't dress loudly" as a challenge.

Sarah: right, what are you saying?

Maddy: That I am either going to wear as many colours as possible or go as a mime. 

Sarah: ¬¬    you do not take it as a challenge

Maddy :^_^

Sarah: you will be dignified

Maddy: Rainbows can be dignified... 

Sarah: maddy.   for once be normal XD

Maddy: Mimes are very dignified. NO. NEVERRRRRRRRR

Sarah: ¬¬

 

Fun-sucker.

To be fair, I was going to be fairly dignified anyway, ya know, not show him up too much.

Now it's a challenge.

Silly people.

Never try to restrict my dressing.  Things will get messy.

 

 There has only been one time when I have ever showed up to something dressed in an embarrassing way, and that was humiliating for me and comedic for everyone else, so yeah.

I could get a hat...

A little pillbox hat with a veil.

I apparently need to make a good impression.

I do not see how this is based on my dress sense.

I'll have to post about job later, time for dins. XXXXXXX

I Don't Have Any Impending Work To Do

And so I'm totally going to write you a blog post and relax a little bit.
And maybe sort some stuff out in my head.

It's been a bit of a hectic week, faithful bloggees.  Not in that I've had a shitload of stuff to do, it's just that an awful lot has changed.
I don't think I'm going to university next year, for starters.
I might not be an author.
With turning 18, I have actually lost more control over my life than ever before.
I feel the need to do something rebellious, such as get more piercings or, even better, a tattoo.

It's got to the stage where I essentially have no idea what to do with my life.  This stage has then evolved to the point where I have made a spider diagram entitled "WTF do I do with my life??"
No joke.
This has stemmed from me realising that I don't even LIKE English Literature.  I just like creative writing.  So why in the name of all that is frabjous am I down to do it at degree level??
Wtf am I doing?
To be fair, this realisation has come within the last week, which is why I am down to do it.
Had I realised this in September last year, everything would be fine.
So I'm pretty honestly not going to do any of the choices I have put down for.
So yeah.
What the hell to do now?
There's an open uni degree that's something along the lines of a BA Hons in Humanities with Creative Writing (or some other fancy title to that effect) that looks amazing.  Properly, properly amazing.
My mother hates the idea.
But seeing as how she spent the last two days pretty much blanking me, I don't really give a crap what she thinks.  I have emailed her to the effect of "I LOVE THIS COURSE" and texted her to find the email, which she ignored, and then when I brought it up she was overwhelmingly negative.
I therefore don't see why I should give a crap what she thinks anymore.
It was on HER advice that I consider not going English Literature, and it is not my problem if she doesn't like the alternative I've come up with.
Gah.
I might not do any writing at all.
I might open up a vintage teashop/bookshop/art gallery and serve people interesting tea and fancy cakes and sell them books and artwork instead of writing.  If I do that, then I can definitely get other people to run it for me, just be the owner, have my own little table in the corner and sit there writing all day.
This seems like a wonderful, wonderful option.
The issue is getting the money to have such a venture, which I am unlikely to ever get if I don't do something in which money comes in.
There are several options for gaining money.
The lottery.
A job.
Sell a book.
Marry a rich man and use his money.
At the moment, considering I'm broke, don't play the lottery, don't have a job and don't have a completed book to get published, I'm pretty much looking at marrying a rich man.
All of this is deeply irritating.

I am getting ever more tempted by the idea of a tattoo.
This is stemming from my clearly being such a raging disappointment to my mother.
My friend Aaron (different Aaron to the one who follows this blog) once recommended to another old friend that if he was going to do something wrong, he might as well do it properly.
Which is decent advice in some respects.
I have never been a believer in fannying about.
It might not have been the best advice for a bloke who was planning on cheating on his girlfriend though.
We've never really forgiven Aaron for that one.
I wasn't even there and I'm still angry.
ANYWAY.
I figure that if I am already a disappointment to my mother, I might as well go the whole hog and get something permanently tattooed on.
And possibly a couple of piercings.
I have no idea how to tell you where I would have my piercing in the technical words (I just plan on pointing when I eventually get to a piercing parlour) but it's the curvy bit at the top of my ear.
Right at the top.
It's possibly a HELIX.
Hang on, I'll google it.

Helix, apparently.
But yeah, that bit.
Except not with a jewel in it. Probably just a ring through it.
And then get one of these tattooed somewhere that won't be visible when I wear normal clothes.

Like my thigh or something.
Not on my tummy.  I too often wear tops that are too small and stretch upwards.
See, I think that would be really, really pretty.
I am already being met with opposition.
I'd just like to point out that I'M NEEDLE PHOBIC AND TEENAGE REBELLION IS TRANSIENT SO IT WILL PROBABLY NEVER HAPPEN AND IF YOU COULD STOP FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT THAT WOULD JUST BE FUCKING GREAT.
Okay, shouty over.
Knobends.
There is, apparently, very little opposition on the piercing front.
Although I'm apparently not allowed my lip done.
Whatever.
I'll take Katie and Hanna and go and get holes stabbed through me and hope I don't almost pass out this time.

I've actually started writing more than usual.
According to Ellie, it is because I've sucked his creative out, as he hasn't written anything in a while and I did 1000 words in half an hour the other day.
They weren't too horrible, either.
They were almost tolerable.
This is an improvement on any of the crap I've churned out trying to get my creative juices flowing in the last few months.  I'd pretty much given up, but now I feel the urge again.
URGES.
URGES URGES URGES.
Inside joke.

I'm now trying to find a dress online that I saw in Underground yesterday and LOVE.
Except for the price tag.
I consider £54 to be excessive.
It's soooooooo pretty though.
Not easy to find.
If Hell Bunny had their own page, life would be a lot easier.
I figure that someone other than Underground must have it SOMEWHERE.
Underground should get their own website.
It's red, with white polka dots, and a big cut out heart over the boobs.
It HAS to be somewhere.
It exists, therefore it is on the interwebs.
Something like the 6th website now.
I've amazon-ed it.
Google was taking too long.
I think (think), if I get a job, I will be able to justify the purchase of my Hell Bunny.
I already consider it MY Hell Bunny.
Went throught the whole of amazon and got NOTHING.
Wtf?

IT IS EXACTLY THIS BUT IN RED
http://www.sinderellas-shrine.co.uk/hell-bunny-sweetheart-polka-dot-50s-dress-487-p.asp
Now I'm excited.
THIS DRESS
THIS ONE
http://www.attitudeclothing.co.uk/product_22601-68-1061_Hell-Bunny---Sweetheart-Dress-%28Red-White%29.htm
And so much fucking cheaper than Underground were telling me they were doing it.
OMG OMG OMG
Except it's out of stock.
Bastards.

I FOUND IT
ON EBAY
I don't care if it is eBay, I got my prom dress from eBay.  EBay is good enough for MOI.

If I wasn't in the library, I would do a happy dance.
I'm now going to spam my own blog with links to this dress, because I am too damn happy to care what you lot think.  <3

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/HELL-BUNNY-SWEETHEART-VTG-50S-RED-POLKA-DOT-DRESS-/230739052192?pt=UK_Women_s_Dresses&var=&hash=item7b6910bdee

http://sirensandstarlets.co.uk/hb-4019-whtred-hell-bunny-sweetheart-vtg-50s-red-polka-dot-dress.html

I am going to seriously  consider wearing this to Carl and Leanne's engagement thingummy. 
ELLIE, I KNOW THE DATE NOW AND YOU SHOULD GET ME TO ASK SARAH AGAIN LATER BECAUSE I'VE FORGOTTEN IN THE HOUR SINCE SHE TOLD ME.
Or.
SARAH WHEN WAS IT AGAIN?
Or.
CARLLLLLLLL, WHEN IS YOUR THING???

That should do it.
I could wear my stripper shoes.
I like how that doesn't give anyone a definition because I have too many pairs of stripper shoes for that to apply to only one pair.
My red ones.

And now I have the money because my cheques went through.
So.
The plan.
Take a patient friend/boyfriend/musketeer to town.
Try on The Dress to get accurate sizing.
Put it back on the shelf if it's still £54.  (£54???  How much are they getting off this if the price increase is something like £24???)
Buy it if it's £27.99 like on the interwebs.
Buy it online later.
Wear my Hell Bunny to death.

Job done.
I'm going to look hot in that.
Hot hot hot.
Hotter than hot.

I'll stop now.
Stupidly excited about it being £28ish online.

See, I am now going through the Starlets and Sirens page and looking at the clothes that I am going to wear all the time when I am a growed up.
I feel like I shall wear nothing but (stretchy) pencil skirts and circle skirts and skirts, actually, because I really don't mind never wearing trousers.
I will need a lot of tights.
But it's okay, because I can buy tights.
And boots.
Fur-lined boots.
FAKE fur-lined boots.
Yeah.
I'm in a happy little fantasy world now, to be honest, the blog may not be particularly coherent from here-on-in.

What do you need to start a tea shop anyway?  Tea, obviously.  Cake and stuff.   Tables.  I'm thinking that I'm just going to get a load of mismatched tables and chairs, mismatched china and stuff.
There will be STUFF everywhere.
Like walls filled with paintings that could be done by people I know or people I really like and other people could buy them.
And one wall filled top to toe with bookcases filled with first editions and new books and ALL the books ever.
And some Dita Von Teese, because she makes everything awesome.
Fuck it, she can have free tea as often as she wants.
I presume you also need money.
I'll get some of that eventually.

I think for the last twenty minutes of this lesson, I will go buy a tea from the café and drink it with my book.
What am I reading at the moment?

So far, it's quite good.
I have seen it on the telly, with that nice (and attractive, apart from the no-eyebrows thing) Matt Smith.
And now I shall read it, having had it since Christmas.
I love ALL of you.
<3 XXXXXXXXXXXXX

This Isn't A Proper Blog Post

I am totally doing work, I have just had a pretty fucking awesome idea for the book I'm writing, and I do NOT want to forget it.

HAVE IT FALL INTO THE SEA, MADELEINE.  THE BIG PLACE OF ALL EVIL. INTO THE OCEAN WITH A VERY BIG SPLASH.
You should also put more consideration into an open uni degree and less into scrounging off Elliot til you die.
Good girl.

I hope you lot are ignoring this.

Wittering. Again. You Know, To Go Along With What It Says On The Tin.

As I said, I have a blog app now.  Not one that you can download (Probably. I dunno. Ask Carl.) but it is still largely exciting.
Hence why I am now posting pictures in a slightly giddy fashion.

I think you'll agree that that is BEYOND exciting.

I've sort of been distracted from blog writing by Sarah (that bitch) who is discussing with me Carl's wedding, and has therefore sent me pictures of what she intends to wear.
This bearing in mind that they're not getting married for at least a year yet, and yet we already have outfits planned.
Needless to say, we have sheltered and boring lives.
I am planning on clashing as much as possible, giving the union jack shoes and the electric blue dress an airing, plus a bright red jacket and something outlandish on my head.
You know, as you do.
Sarah was planning on something gothy, as SHE does.
She looks quite good in gothy stuff.
When I say quite, I mean that she looks HOT in gothy stuff, but I'm really supposed to be toning down the lesbianism at the moment.
She therefore linked me to a dress, which she will look awesome in. (Toning down from NOW.)
I have, therefore, been distracted by the fact that they have rockabilly dresses, which are my eternal calling, and also attempting to find something outlandish to wear on my head for such a wedding.
This is mostly limited to Etsy, as John Lewis, being the only other place they really do well made fascinators, don't really cater for eccentricity.
Which I have by the bucket load.
They also don't seem to understand that red and electric blue look HOT together.
They do.
Really.
Something like a blue one of these.
Have now pointed out to Sarah that buying £75 shoes (!!!!) online is ridiculous.
She agrees, praise be.
I am now essentially surfing the net trying to find her similar shoes, cheaper and in a shop where she can go try them on.
I figured it would be easier, thereby jinxing it, ofc.
I FOUND ONES SHE LIKED.
Get in.
We are discussing whether or not the shoes are wedding appropriate.
The decision: We don't really give two shits.
Wedding etiquette is for boring people.
And anyway, it's not like we're turning up in white.
Just, ya know, all the other colours.

Still trying to find her the perfect shoes.
I keep forgetting she can handle her heels better than me, and so keep looking at slightly lower heels.

She's gone.
Bored now.
May spam Carl with texts til I'm bored.

I think I hate ankle strap shoes on everyone.
I do not see the point in them.
You can just have a nice strap over the top of your foot instead.
They just make calves look FAT.
FAT FAT CALVES.

I don't honestly understand what WOULDN'T be wedding appropriate, providing it's fancy?
This may come from my brother going wearing sandals and the like, but seriously.
Just because the shoes have skulls on them.
It could be worse.
It's not a meat dress or anything.
And yeah, white is a bit weird, but only if you're wearing a maxi dress or something.

I AM GETTING A PICTURE MESSAGE :O
IT'S FROM CARL :O
IT'S MY FAVOURITE MEME :D
Later, I will upload it.

New Look now do Iron Fist shoes.
Slightly upsetting, due to the fact that now the chavs will wear them.
We are far from hipsters, Sarah and I, but we don't need our weird shoes legitimised by the orange beasts.

I'm tempted to make a post dedicated to the people I talk about in the blogs.  Just for pictures and such.  It's nice to put names to faces and faces to names.
Tempting.
For the reference of this post, these are Carl and Sarah. (The pictures are basically just stolen from their Facebooks, so they aren't allowed to get pissy because the photos are ALREADY ON THE INTERNET.)

Carl

Sarah

The captions were in case it wasn't already obvious.
Might have chopped Carl's up a bit, if only because there was a lot of background and it will make the screen go all wide after I post this, and there is nothing more irritating than an unnecessarily wide webpage.

I do not understand clothes with cut out bits.
What the hell is the point?
At a recent party, there was a girl wearing a dress with cut outs.
She was skinny, and the cut outs were at her middle.
Due to the fact that she had no hips, the dress spent the night sliding down past her knicker line.
For me, this was HILARIOUS.
For her, quite embarrassing.
Have I mentioned she was 14?
She was 14.
Anyway, cut outs.
Not exactly going to keep you warm.
And so SO inappropriate on a 14 year old.

I think I'm okay with cut out backs.
And possibly cut out fronts.
It's just in the middle that upsets.

I realise now that I am my mother.
Goodnight.

I Have Lost My Memory Stick

Which is so far beyond irritating it is ludicrous.  And I can't really leave to go find it.
I am therefore going to sit here and write a blog because fuck it, I've been getting into the habit of doing blogs and I see no reason to stop now.
MY BLOG HAS AN APP.
There is literally an app for everything now.
It's not a proper, official app, I don't think, but nice Carl has made my blog into an app on his fancy phone and there's a photo on Facebook but the college computers have it blocked still. 
Well, unless I want to download Firefox or Chrome and use that instead.
I think it says a lot about my college that we are still stuck with Internet Explorer.
I'm really quite fond of my Firefox.  It has a nice koi pattern on it and lots of saved tabs that involve Facebook and Twitter.
Firefox also lets you have an internet history.
For no apparent good reason, the college computers do not save your internet history.  NONE of it.
It lets you click the back button as many times as you want, but if you shut the tab you're buggered.

I have taken once more to wearing sunglasses in an attempt to make the sunshine come out. 
They are currently perched atop my head and snuggled into the ginge.
I think (think) that they are black with yellow and green flowers and a little bit Raybans style.  The best thing about them of all, however, is that they did not cost me, as Raybans do, £102.  They cost me a quid from Primark.  And this makes me a very happy bunny.

I just Googled "happy bunny" to find you a good picture of a happy bunny, and it came up with stuff like this.

I feel this should be a mantra for life.
It is much like the list myself and Sarah have come up with for the day of the revolution, when we take over and shoot all those who have pissed us off.
Most of our exes are on that list.  Apart from Mitch, who's a bit harmless. 
Apart from that, it consists of my maternal grandmother, Dakota Fanning, and the vast majority of Bitterne Park School.
People this does not include:

• Aaron
• Sully
• Lula
• Skinner
• Ross
• Rosie
• Katie
• ... Uhm...

The problem with the list of people from BPS (NOT the British Psychological Society, they are far more tolerable) that I don't want to kill is that I wanted to harm so many of them that I've repressed a great deal of the memories that were made there.
Stuff like being a prefect, chairs being chucked across the room in maths and that one assembly where the headteacher essentially blamed us for the murder of Rhys Jones back in about 2007.

I'll write more on that in a minute.  I opened the Happy Bunny website in a new tab, and there are e-cards. 
:D
Stuff like "roses are red, violets are blue, your butt's funny looking, but I think you'll do"
Totally sending these.

It is definitely a little sad that I just spent ten minutes of my life sending slightly abusive e-cards to people.

Anyway, my school was very very shit, and I am therefore going to cheer myself up by looking up crochet patterns and posting amusing pictures of happy bunnies.

I am now just posting pictures that make me happy.  And shall continue until I am in a state of pictoral bliss.

I may have a bit of a girl crush on Sophia Myles.  Perhaps now a selections of photos of women I have girl crushes on.



Mary Elizabeth Winstead



Christina Hendricks

Caitlin Moran



Helena Bonham Carter



Gail Carriger



Rachel McAdams as Irene Adler

But also

Lara Pulver as Irene Adler

I'm not entirely sure which interpretation of the woman I love most.
Thinking of girl crushes under the pressure of blog writing makes it a lot more difficult.  It is slowly going to turn into a list of women I would cheerfully bang.
Such as

Florenc Welch

Back more to women I admire or have girl crushes on.

Nerina Pallot

Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing, played by Emma Thompson

But also just

Emma Thompson

Gemma Arterton

OH OH OH LIBRARIES

And car boot sales

And best of all, vintage fairs.

I feel like I should probably leave you alone now and go scavenge some foods from somewhere.  I have, once again, forgotten everything except the stuff necessary for my lessons.  I therefore have no lunch and I'm starting to wonder about my keys.
Anyone, love to everyone :)
XXXXXXXXXXXXX