My Girlfriend Resume:
- Not a fussy eater. KFC works as well for me as Bella Italia does. Sometimes better.
- I have no social life. I would basically be available all the damn time.
- I have an essentially male personality, making me pretty easy to get on with. Chances are if you're checking out that fit girl, I will be too.
- I have curves. They're pretty awesome. I normally show them off too.
- I don't expect a man to come shopping with me. I actually prefer it if you don't.
- I carry my own damn bags.
- I can hold an intellectual conversation.
- Parents do not frighten me.
- I don't spend hours in the bathroom. I have currently got my normal time down to twenty minutes, including shower.
- I'm pretty damn excellent in the sack. (Just saying)
- I am very relaxed about you having crushes on other people during our relationship. We're human. We're allowed to check other people out. Providing nothing happens, there's no problem there.
- I'm a very cheap date. One bottle of lager (though I prefer cider) can get me a bit tipsy.
- DEFINITELY not a shrinking violet, which means I stand up for myself. Yes, it's lovely to have some manpower behind me, but my tongue muscle is in good shape, tah.
- I don't go psycho if you have female friends. You're allowed. The majority of my mates are male.
- I'm not expecting to be spoiled. I kind of prefer it when I'm not, really. I pay my own way where I'm going or I don't go. Unless you insist. But expect to be treated back once I have the money.
- I don't smoke. Literally nothing.
- I'm stupidly enthusiastic.
- I can be made happy by something as simple as a Kinder Egg. Big things are all well and good, but the little ones are what make my days.
- My music taste ranges from Dolly Parton to Stiff Little Fingers. There will be something we can listen to together.
- I'm confidant. I don't get knocked down by jibes often. You can call me fatty, shorty, ginger, thicko, whore, slut, slag, bitchface, and pretty much anything else.
- I'm laid back almost as far as to be laid down. There are only a couple of things I will not tolerate. These are:
- Violence
- The words “retard” or “spastic”
- Not liking my best friend (It's okay, she's amazing. She just takes a little getting used to.)
- Using Autism in any derogatory way at all.
Everything else is kind of okay.
- I'm not bothered by how you present yourself. So long as you don't smell and you wash frequently, I really don't care.
- There are two things that scare me – Feet and needles.
- On that note, however, anything more thrilling than Dr Who will require my being cuddled. This means, though, that you get to snug right up next to me. This is a good thing. I smell good and I've got D-cup breasts. What more can we ask here?
- I like wearing suspenders, and Dita Von Teese is practically an idol.
- Your mates won't scare me either.
- I am crap at video games. You will win all the time. You can attempt to teach me, but that will require me sat between your legs. Don't see that being a problem ;)
- My friends are pretty cool. They're intelligent, witty, and accepting of almost anything.
- I come as a package deal. This might sound scary. It's okay. It just means that you are stuck with Lu as well. She makes excellent lasagne.
- I have several pairs of very slutty heels.
- I am no longer in touch with any exes.
- I read Cosmo.
- I'm pretty. No, really.
Not actually as orange as I look in the picture. Apart from the hair. The hair is orange.
So really, all in all, I'm pretty cool. I go for most types of guys, and no matter who you are I'm not going to laugh at you if you come up and ask me out. Providing I don't find you creepy, I'll say yes.
So come on then. If you've got a crush on me, don't be shy.
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