Maddy's Blog Of Wittery-ness: I think I disagree with the Miss Universe competition...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I think I disagree with the Miss Universe competition...

But it's not for the normal reasons.
I'm okay with women parading around in very little so that a panel of people can decide whether or not they're the most beautiful girl in the world.
That's fine by me, it's their lives and if they have the confidence to go out there in a bikini and high heels and be judged in front of the entire world, good on them, they have more balls than I do.
It's the name of the competition that irks me.
They cannot POSSIBLY decided who is the most beautiful woman in the universe because we are not one hundred percent sure there aren't any aliens yet.
And so, since 1953, it has been entirely possible that the results are incorrect.
Miss World, by all means.
Miss Earth, sure.
Miss Whatever-It-Is-We-Scientifically-Call-Our-Solar-System, most certainly.
However, Miss Universe is just narrowing our thoughts on whether or not there are aliens, and whether or not these aliens are beautiful.
Which is why Miss Universe should at least be renamed to something a little more accurate.
And, if we are to include the entire universe within our search for the most beautiful, surely we should also include judges from other planets, galaxies etc, and reassess our views on what is truly beautiful.
Let's say that aliens looked like this:

Who are we to say this is not beautiful?

By their own definitions, this could be the most beautiful woman on the planet.

We, however, could look at her and recoil in fear (admittedly, she was kind of a vampire, which doesn't help, but hey, who's to judge?)

So, to make Miss Universe truly universal, our entire perspective must dramatically change.

Green and scaly can be beautiful.

The current advances in space travel have not gone far enough to allow us to truly dictate what is most beautiful. There may be a race somewhere in the universe with Veela like qualities.

(For those of you who are sadly lacking in HP knowledge http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Veela) These may be the women who, even if via mystical powers, are the most beautiful, a lot like sirens in Greek mythology.

And who says magical powers are cheating, anyway?

It's a bit like plastic surgery. Massive tits are, of course, equivalent to massive power.

Or a bit like dyeing your hair. A nicer, better suited colour can completely change how you look.

Therefore, Veela should be allowed in. Providing they don't then get all angry and throw fire around. That should probably be outlawed, though their talent could be fire juggling... I suppose that one's a bit of a minefield. Possibly outlaw using fire to intentionally harm.

Fire juggling would be SO cool.

Or hot, as the case may be.

Like juggling balls, or batons, but so much more dangerous, and therefore with a lot more appeal to the pyromaniac within me.

So yeah. Veela :D

Found a really pretty picture of a Veela that I wanted to stick on here but the computer wouldn't let me.

Veela I think are actually proper mystical creatures rather than an invention of JK Rowling.

According to Wiki, they are.

Slavic fairies. Power over storms, send them down on travelers.

Apparently, she-devil redirects there.

It should probably be less fascinating, and reading the whole page is probably bad but meh.

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Things That Make Me Happy

1) When my baking comes out really, really excellently.
2) Historical romances
3) Daydreams about being a very successful grown up.
4) Daydreams that are REALLY inappropriate for the location you're having them in, like having sexy daydreams on a bus when trying to hold down a conversation.
5) Strictly Come Dancing
6) The Great British Bake Off
7) When your crochet ends up looking amazing.
8) When Dad brings me a random Crunchie.
9) Lula. Just in general. She is one of the best people alive.
10) Writing fiction and it actually sounding decent.
11) Tudor history
12) Learning songs on my guitar really really slowly, but on my own so it feels like a proper achievment.
13) Realising, 13 things in, that Katie was right about this making me feel much better.
14) Katie
15) How Anna smells. I know I bang on about it, but honestly, phwoar!!
16) Getting over a sore throat and being able to screech out songs when I feel like it again.
17) My purse (It has a big, shiny union jack on it)
18) Going to the market just off Covent Garden.
19) The Globe.
20) Kenneth Brannagh.
21) Mocking Hanna
22) Realising that Hanna has come up with a completely logical scientific theory about the Earth expanding, making her a lot more intelligent than previously realised.
23) ALL of my cousins. There are about 14 of them, and I love each and every one of them. Even the tiny, mental ones.
24) My Grannie. Scary, but she loves me.
25) Being a ginge.
26) Honeycomb.
27) How my room looks like it has pink walls in the morning when my curtains are shut, pale blue walls in the daylight, and white walls at nighttime when all the light I have is the moon.
28) The best piece of post I ever got, still in a frame, still on my bookshelf.
29) Doctor Who
30) Doctor Who jackets, all tweed and elbow patches.
31) Lidl's lasagne
32) Being able to spell lasagne.
33) The picnics Sullay organises.
34) Cold chow mein, covered in sweet and sour sauce and served in a lunch box in front of jealous looking mates.
35) Painting my nails yellow and drawing smiley faces on with Sharpie marker.
36) My brother, even though he's mental and seems to take joy in making my hair look mental, waiting til I have smoothed it over, then doing it again.
37) Having one seat in the living room accepted as MINE for Dr Who viewing.
38) Kissing so hard that you don't realise that your hair is a mess, you're pressed up against a wall and that people might see you.
39) My boobs. They are in my top two of favourites features, just for how excellently jiggly they are.
40) My eyes. The other ones in the top two.
41) When my nose is blocked up a tiny bit, so that I can whistle through it.
42) My neighbour's home made apple juice.
43) When I walk into the house after a bad and very cold day at college and my mum has made stew.
44) My cat, Jake. (He's dead now, but he gets to stay)
45) My cat, Stuart.
46) Accidentally painting my nails to match my underwear.
47) Having my hair stroked when I'm upset.
48) The fact that my dad totally reverts to being a teenager when we go down the Brook to see Stiff Little Fingers.
49) The fact that my dad lets new boys I bring home know that he knows EXACTLY how to make a petrol bomb and how to throw it efficiently, too.
50) The Parasol Protectorate series.
51) Gail Carriger's blog: http://retrorack.blogspot.com/
52) Lemon sorbet
53) Reading a whole book in a day, even if it's trash.
54) The Sociology Corner, both as it was last year and as it is this year, though I do miss Sarah.
55) My mum's disco cds.
56) My AMAZING 50s style prom dress, which I keep wanting excuses to wear again.
57) The fact that, in January, I get to wear it again :D
58) My Union Jack shoes
59) The fact that saving a file as Me At Prom in one word spells meatprom, and so makes me think of cows in top hats.
60) Deleting bitches from FB.
61) The lack of bitches on my FB.
62) My giant pink Ugg boot slippers, that somehow still fit after six years in service.
63) Fucking with people's heads.
64) Writing my blog.
65) Tom and Jerry
66) Looney Tunes
67) Wacky Races
68) My retina-scarring, grandma-on-crack shawl.
69) Wearing men's shirts.
70) How my hair looks when I wake up. Mostly for it's comical nature, occaisionally because it actually looks great. THAT doesn't happen often.
71) Katie singing. It makes me happy inside.
72) My lizard necklace.
73) The thought of being able to wear my winter jumpers again.
74) Snow
75) Kicking ASS on Singstar/Lips.
76) QI when it's extended to an hour long show.
77) The thought of owning a wardrobe full of tea dresses and fake fur stoles and t-bar shoes.
78) My stripper boots.
79) The one happy penguin in all the nonchalent penguins on my phone background.
80) Entertaining the idea of a lip piercing purely to annoy my mother
81) Secretly thinking about getting one when I go to uni anyway.
82) Magners.
83) The own brand cider that they have in this chain of French supermarkets that tastes amazing.
84) Rollercoasters.
85) The Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland.
86) Feeling more cultured than basically every member of my Film Studies class, mainly because they spent the weekend watching American Pie and I watched Strangers on a Train.
87) The contents of the box on top of my wardrobe.
88) Wisteria perfume.
89) Rebecca, by Daphne Du Maurier.
90) In The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, because of the instantaneous better feeling it brings.
91) The entire shelf I have of shitty romantic fiction.
92) My catapault pencil sharpener.
93) When people get my lyric-quoting jokes.
94) Drawing hearts in the margins of pieces of paper.
95) Fridaying, even though it doesn't really happen anymore.
96) The fact that, despite it's free-ness, IKEA tea is scrummy.
97) Cheesecake.
98) Camping holidays with as many relatives as can be persuaded.
99) Rockham Bay.
100) My lesbian pirate bag.
101) That strange gold coloured Fosters.
102) Ice cream.
103) Russell Grant on Strictly Come Dancing.
104) 80p cups of tea.
105) Rachel's blog.
106) Jumper dresses.

Maddy's Blog Of Wittery-ness

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I think I disagree with the Miss Universe competition...

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