Maddy's Blog Of Wittery-ness: Breaking Social Norms

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Breaking Social Norms

Because norms are boring.
I like breaking social norms. It's seriously entertaining to fuck with people's heads in such a fashion.
I.e. One social norm would dictate a lack of bluntness.
Fuck that.
I do blunt on a professional scale. I cannot be bothered pussyfooting around people.
Like how I told Danni today that the guy we catch the bus with clearly wants to get into her pants.

Well, who wouldn't want to tap that?

I'll be honest with you, magnificent blog-master, I thought she knew. Really, I did.
So telling her so wouldn't have been so bad.
I could have phrased it more politely, i.e. "He clearly has a crush on you." rather than "He clearly wants in your knickers." but no. I don't see why I should bother.
I also don't mind telling people when I dislike them.
My grandmother thinks that I would make a good politician due to this quality.
I love my grannie very much, but I was pretty offended by that.
I am not a politician.
My bluntness comes in only one flavour, and that flavour is truth.
Like telling my granddad that if he keeps asking to give me Christmas/birthday presents, he will become less likely to be allowed this wish.
Didn't work, he still asks, but ya know.
I tried.
I feel like I'm going to start putting a load of pictures on here. You don't get enough of them. I shall post awesome photos.
Such as:

Myself and a fake Boris Johnson

Funny story behind that one. Persuaded several people that it was the real Boris Johnson, despite the Madame Tussauds setting. And the fact that you can see Ghandi's head behind Boris' left shoulder.
And:

That's Karl Marx between me and Sarah.

Another funny story. Persuaded our friend Tom (for all of about three days) that I had painted it free-hand and enlisted Sarah to help me fill in the colour. Anna even found an art foundation called Heal's to make it look like I was a ridiculously good artist who was really shy about it. Little bit hilarious.
And:

This was the time when Hanna bought a book. We were really proud of her, because it didn't even have a pink front cover or anything. Lukey was a wee bit scathing, so I told on him. The only reason we tease her is because our English teacher put on her report that she should try and "enter the world of a serious, academic student". Which was actually pretty enraging. Despite the fact that the one time she tried to get a book recently she ended up with a book about lesbians throwing each other out of windows.

I'll be back in an hour, probably with a new post. My granddad is here. Lord preserve us.

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Things That Make Me Happy

1) When my baking comes out really, really excellently.
2) Historical romances
3) Daydreams about being a very successful grown up.
4) Daydreams that are REALLY inappropriate for the location you're having them in, like having sexy daydreams on a bus when trying to hold down a conversation.
5) Strictly Come Dancing
6) The Great British Bake Off
7) When your crochet ends up looking amazing.
8) When Dad brings me a random Crunchie.
9) Lula. Just in general. She is one of the best people alive.
10) Writing fiction and it actually sounding decent.
11) Tudor history
12) Learning songs on my guitar really really slowly, but on my own so it feels like a proper achievment.
13) Realising, 13 things in, that Katie was right about this making me feel much better.
14) Katie
15) How Anna smells. I know I bang on about it, but honestly, phwoar!!
16) Getting over a sore throat and being able to screech out songs when I feel like it again.
17) My purse (It has a big, shiny union jack on it)
18) Going to the market just off Covent Garden.
19) The Globe.
20) Kenneth Brannagh.
21) Mocking Hanna
22) Realising that Hanna has come up with a completely logical scientific theory about the Earth expanding, making her a lot more intelligent than previously realised.
23) ALL of my cousins. There are about 14 of them, and I love each and every one of them. Even the tiny, mental ones.
24) My Grannie. Scary, but she loves me.
25) Being a ginge.
26) Honeycomb.
27) How my room looks like it has pink walls in the morning when my curtains are shut, pale blue walls in the daylight, and white walls at nighttime when all the light I have is the moon.
28) The best piece of post I ever got, still in a frame, still on my bookshelf.
29) Doctor Who
30) Doctor Who jackets, all tweed and elbow patches.
31) Lidl's lasagne
32) Being able to spell lasagne.
33) The picnics Sullay organises.
34) Cold chow mein, covered in sweet and sour sauce and served in a lunch box in front of jealous looking mates.
35) Painting my nails yellow and drawing smiley faces on with Sharpie marker.
36) My brother, even though he's mental and seems to take joy in making my hair look mental, waiting til I have smoothed it over, then doing it again.
37) Having one seat in the living room accepted as MINE for Dr Who viewing.
38) Kissing so hard that you don't realise that your hair is a mess, you're pressed up against a wall and that people might see you.
39) My boobs. They are in my top two of favourites features, just for how excellently jiggly they are.
40) My eyes. The other ones in the top two.
41) When my nose is blocked up a tiny bit, so that I can whistle through it.
42) My neighbour's home made apple juice.
43) When I walk into the house after a bad and very cold day at college and my mum has made stew.
44) My cat, Jake. (He's dead now, but he gets to stay)
45) My cat, Stuart.
46) Accidentally painting my nails to match my underwear.
47) Having my hair stroked when I'm upset.
48) The fact that my dad totally reverts to being a teenager when we go down the Brook to see Stiff Little Fingers.
49) The fact that my dad lets new boys I bring home know that he knows EXACTLY how to make a petrol bomb and how to throw it efficiently, too.
50) The Parasol Protectorate series.
51) Gail Carriger's blog: http://retrorack.blogspot.com/
52) Lemon sorbet
53) Reading a whole book in a day, even if it's trash.
54) The Sociology Corner, both as it was last year and as it is this year, though I do miss Sarah.
55) My mum's disco cds.
56) My AMAZING 50s style prom dress, which I keep wanting excuses to wear again.
57) The fact that, in January, I get to wear it again :D
58) My Union Jack shoes
59) The fact that saving a file as Me At Prom in one word spells meatprom, and so makes me think of cows in top hats.
60) Deleting bitches from FB.
61) The lack of bitches on my FB.
62) My giant pink Ugg boot slippers, that somehow still fit after six years in service.
63) Fucking with people's heads.
64) Writing my blog.
65) Tom and Jerry
66) Looney Tunes
67) Wacky Races
68) My retina-scarring, grandma-on-crack shawl.
69) Wearing men's shirts.
70) How my hair looks when I wake up. Mostly for it's comical nature, occaisionally because it actually looks great. THAT doesn't happen often.
71) Katie singing. It makes me happy inside.
72) My lizard necklace.
73) The thought of being able to wear my winter jumpers again.
74) Snow
75) Kicking ASS on Singstar/Lips.
76) QI when it's extended to an hour long show.
77) The thought of owning a wardrobe full of tea dresses and fake fur stoles and t-bar shoes.
78) My stripper boots.
79) The one happy penguin in all the nonchalent penguins on my phone background.
80) Entertaining the idea of a lip piercing purely to annoy my mother
81) Secretly thinking about getting one when I go to uni anyway.
82) Magners.
83) The own brand cider that they have in this chain of French supermarkets that tastes amazing.
84) Rollercoasters.
85) The Pirates of the Carribean ride at Disneyland.
86) Feeling more cultured than basically every member of my Film Studies class, mainly because they spent the weekend watching American Pie and I watched Strangers on a Train.
87) The contents of the box on top of my wardrobe.
88) Wisteria perfume.
89) Rebecca, by Daphne Du Maurier.
90) In The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, because of the instantaneous better feeling it brings.
91) The entire shelf I have of shitty romantic fiction.
92) My catapault pencil sharpener.
93) When people get my lyric-quoting jokes.
94) Drawing hearts in the margins of pieces of paper.
95) Fridaying, even though it doesn't really happen anymore.
96) The fact that, despite it's free-ness, IKEA tea is scrummy.
97) Cheesecake.
98) Camping holidays with as many relatives as can be persuaded.
99) Rockham Bay.
100) My lesbian pirate bag.
101) That strange gold coloured Fosters.
102) Ice cream.
103) Russell Grant on Strictly Come Dancing.
104) 80p cups of tea.
105) Rachel's blog.
106) Jumper dresses.

Maddy's Blog Of Wittery-ness

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Breaking Social Norms

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